Motherhood really changes us...

I said at the beginning that motherhood changes the way we see things. And in the past few months I've come to realize just how true that is.

Becoming the mother of not one, but two children delivered directly into their Maker's hands has monumentally changed my outlook yet again.

I don't know why I came here now to write this, and I sincerely apologize if you arrived expecting movie reviews and discussions of favorite kitchen cleaners. But if you've come here at all, there's a reason, and the Spirit is leading me to share the truth of my experience. I don't know if it's ironic or appropriate that I begin this on the eve of the first Sunday of Lent, but humbly I invite you to tread with me as I share my journey through the only desert my life has ever known.

Part I

Approaching the Desert...

I guess the story really begins a little over 6 years ago when our first son was born. The pregnancy was uneventful, and I was as naive and paranoid as any first-time pregnant woman would be... but oh, I was joyful. It was when the time came for labor and delivery, that things went downhill. I was having no noticeable contractions, but had gone to the hospital because I felt perhaps my water had broken, although it seemed to be a pinhole. When the nurse confirmed I was indeed leaking amniotic fluid, the tears began to flow. When they told me I'd labored too long and would be prepped for a c-section, I was hysterical. When the head of anesthesiology came to apologize because they'd administered the wrong drug to my epidural for the surgery, I was paralyzed with fear. When I realized I had some real paralysis in my leg, that my son was losing weight and turning yellow, and that I'd somehow have to figure this all out very quickly, the despair set in.

With the help of my God, my husband, family and friends, I made it through. WE made it through. Our little boy was laid-back, affectionate, and smart despite his mother's fits of hysterical crying and obsessive worry. The feeling in my leg returned miraculously overnight about 8 weeks after the birth, and the week after that I returned to work, confident this was the way I could have it all.

But then the dry season began. I began to lie awake at night with worry of ridiculously impossible things, things I couldn't control. And this was an all too familiar feeling, one I could remember experiencing as young as 5 years old. I began turning the car around a mile from home to go back and make sure all of the burners in the stove were turned off and the door was locked. I wouldn't let my husband out alone on a rainy night. And I wondered why. Not why I was doing all of that but why life was worth it at all when it was so filled with peril. I withdrew from my friends, shopped like crazy, and wondered if I could really find the strength to drive my car off the highway and into a telephone pole at full speed. Because that plan wasn't something I'd just say sarcastically to anyone who asked about how I was handling the stress of being a new mom, working and moving into a new home... it was very real to me. Something I longed for.

Looking at the smiling face of my son, feeling his kisses on my cheek and nose.... convinced me I needed to try to get that plan out of my head. And so I sought help. Unfortunately it wasn't really the help I needed. The first counselor I happened upon gave me an inkblot test and after a few weeks of appointments in which I just cried and told her my story, she delivered the results of that test. "You're not depressed," she said. "You're just a drama queen."

Despite a mis-diagnosis, my depression seemed to have been talked-out of me and some life changes, like quitting my job and staying home with our 15-month old, seemed to make me feel like my old self again.

This was the first oasis.

(to be continued...)

Oops!

Gah! I'm a lousy blogger. I've been working on integrating a blog into my site at withlovefrommom.com and it's coming soon! No, really this time!

In the meantime, I've got lots to blog about my kitchen... www.pennypinchinkitchen.blogspot.com

Come visit!

A new home for another passion

I have some new Mompinions to post! Had some coupons and tried a few household things I must post about, but speaking of coupons...

I wrestled with writing about my grocery budgeting and planning here, or giving it a new home, and I've decided to give it it's own little corner of the web more for my organizational purposes than anything else, but if you'd like to check that out too, please visit me in my Penny Pinchin' Kitchen: http://pennypinchinkitchen.blogspot.com

At a standstill... or maybe a crossroads

Ok, I'll admit it. I have some writer's/artist's/creator's block. And it all stems from a lack of organization. Having never been one of my strengths, getting organized with all my crafty things is a daunting task, at best. Trying to do it economically... well, it leaves me paralyzed.

I know there are all sorts of tips out there about how to store beads in things like leftover baby food containers. In fact, if you search a certain auction site for bead storage, you'll find people selling their cleaned-out (I would hope) Gerber plastic containers. Not even the jars, folks! USED disposable plastic! For sale! But, assuming this is desirable to one, once one acquires all those little odd-shaped plastic containers, how does one store THOSE? My experiences in purchasing baby food tells me that they don't always stack so nicely. One little bump of the wrist and there would be containers all over the craft room.

For a long while, I was considering nuts and bolts cabinets from the hardware store. They were economical for the amount of stuff they could stash, and not wholly unattractive when taken out of their garage context. But then I attended a craft show where I wanted to work during down-time, and I had no planned projects, so.... well... I took everything. Every last bead I own. It was a mess. So if my beads are in those drawers, what agony will I have to choose what to take on the road? This is yet another conundrum that is quite easy to overcome for some, but for me... I don't know, it just makes the whole system seem undesirable. Not that I ever want to tote my entire stash again, but when I have to take with each bead its price and vendor from which I obtained it so as to know how to price my work... well, taking stuff out of those drawers becomes cumbersome.

So on and on I've gone, searching for the perfect storage, but to no avail. Currently my beads are stashed in plastic baggies and then into Ziploc containers by color, type, or what have you. Those containers, in turn, are stored in a dilapidated and leaning rolling scrapbooking tote, which, with the influence of the slightest breeze, dumps all of my treasures onto the kitchen floor. And since the beads now occupy my paper storage, all of the scrapbooking paraphernalia of which I used to be so fond is now in a heap on my sewing table. Thus, my sewing table is useless for sewing and my poor daughter's room is screaming for real girly curtains for which I have the fabric but not the room to sew!

Gaaaah! Do you see my plight? What messes I get myself into. Well, in any case, when I find a solution, y'all shall be the first to know ;)

All kinds of new directions

A week ago I took a fabulous class in Precious Metal Clay. This clay (known as PMC) is silver particles mixed with cellulose and water and is used to make... well, anything you want to make out of silver! Basically, you form and dry the clay and then fire away the cellulose and water, and you're left with fine silver.

I had a blast at the class and am looking forward to bringing PMC pieces to my collections. I'm most excited about being able to make my own rosary parts! But to keep things simple, I made a heart pendant and earring dangles at the class.

Stay tuned to see what else I come up with. And I also want to take the time to mention Buttercup Beads in Pottstown, PA. It's my favorite local bead store, even though it's almost an hour from my home. If you're ever in the area, stop by and visit Andrea, Carly and the rest of the wonderful gang, including the brilliant artist Carol LePage who taught the PMC class. Thanks ladies!!!

A new earring display

My craft fair displays are a work in progress. Previously, my table was full of picture frames in which I had mounted window screen and backed with scrapbook paper. I used wire s-hooks I made myself to suspend my rosaries and necklaces, and I hooked earrings through the screens as well.

It makes for an eye-catching display, but the earrings often got caught in the screen and it made people reluctant to pull them out and try them. Also, the rosaries covered a lot more space and drew the most attention. I think most shoppers hardly even noticed I offered jewelry as well. So I'm working on balancing out my display. I still plan to mount my feature rosaries in the frames, but I'm looking for other solutions for jewelry.

The first thing I tackled was earring display. I found a 2x2 scrap of wood in the basement and some balsa strips I'd bought for kite-making. I drilled 3/8" holes halfway through the 2x2 (the strips were 3/8" wide) and pushed the strips down into the holes. They are snug enough that I didn't need any nails or adhesive. I then cut down 2 more strips to fit the span, and then hot-glued them to the standing strips. Finally, I painted the whole thing to match my logo's color-scheme.

I plan on marking each "ladder rung" with a price point and hanging the earrings accordingly.

Hi, My name is Momma, and I'm a magazine-a-holic

Look in any room in my house, save maybe the kids' rooms, and you'll find stacks and stacks... and stacks... of magazines! And catalogs! Can't forget the catalogs.

It's an addiction. I can't help myself. Whether I'm waiting in the checkout at the grocery store, buying something online where they offer you that little checkbox to opt-in to their mailing list, or getting a mom's night out at a book and coffee shop, I have to get my hands on those glossy pages. I'm not sure when it started, or why it's grown into such an obsession for me, but, next to crafting and sleeping, flipping through a magazine or catalog is the most relaxing activity I can find. And I love it because it's portable, takes up little space, is quiet (aaaahhh) and requires little thought if I just want to look at the pretty pictures.

I really look forward to the evenings when the kids are in bed, hubby is busy in the garage, and I can flop on the couch, turn off the tube, and immerse myself in whatever I decide my hobby is that day. So in many years of magazine collecting, I've come up with a few faves.

1) Southern Living
Yes, I'm a yankee, but this is still by far my favorite! It just has everything a homemaking Mama could want... beautiful decorating, awesome food, fabulous entertaining, dreamy travel, luscious gardens... and all with that aire of southern sophistication and hospitality. Why isn't there a northern equivalent? The closest I get is the "mid-atlantic" supplement that comes with my subscription. But anyway, I have issues of this mag dating back 8 years since my hubby noticed my fascination with his Southern landlady's subscription. I just can't part with them. A Southern Living recipe has never failed me, so I've even subscribed to their annual cookbooks! Though, in the past year, I've given that up since most recipes can now be found on the website :) And any future vacation will be planned with a S.L. travel article at the ready. Sorry Chicago and Salt Lake, I'm headed south!

2) Everyday Food
I got turned on to Everyday Food (a publication of the Martha Stewart empire) a couple of years ago when some users of another journal site formed a group just to chat about each issue! I figured it must be good if it warranted its own community. So I picked up an issue at the grocery store, took it home, and promptly found myself back at the grocer's buying some simple ingredients to try out the recipes. And try I did! I cooked every single recipe in that issue, and they all got rave reviews for their simplicity, practicality, and of course, taste!

3) Fitness
I recently re-subscribed to this publication. I'm admittedly a fitness failure, although my biggest problem is motivation rather than lack of knowledge. I find that Fitness helps me, however, in both areas. The information makes exercise seem actually doable for a beginner. I think the tone of the articles isn't condescending, but truly encouraging. Trackers and planners on the website are also very helpful and their usefulness was the reason I decided to resubscribe.

So those are my top three. What are your favorites?